I have a sense of impending doom!

So I haven't accepted yet. And I don't know why. Here are some hypothetical cons:
They're vulgar at times
It can get awkward
The walk is to far

...those all sucked. Big time. Even I know they're made up crap I'm just telling myself. I don't know what's holding me back. You have no clue how many times today I caught myself, "You know, I think I'm going to do *insert random frat thing* when I join." and then I realized, I just said when. But...

At the same time I've got this feeling. In my stomach, a feeling like I have the flu.

Let's call it a sense of impending doom.

What is this all about?

I talked to Bobby today, and he sat down with me when I told him I didn't know what to do. These were his exact words.

"I don't know why you haven't joined yet. You fit in here really well. I was talking to everyone about when we talked on the stairwell, and I can just tell by that you're an awesome guy."

...why does that make the feeling worse?

Why can't they be just a little less nice? Would it kill them? Gah. I don't know why my stomach is screaming, "danger, danger!" at me. They say listen to your gut, but I think mines just a figment  of my imagination, because I don't want to commit, or get to close, or change my surroundings or some psychological bs.

After that, he asked me, "What's holding you back?"

I thought, and thought, and came up with literally nothing. I couldn't think of a single thing.

The thing is I really want to join. Like, REALLY REALLY want to. I wish Matt was here to slap me across the face. Not to mention what Bobby said was right. I DO fit in. There are moments when the moments are just perfect. It's like when I'm with other friends.

Bleh. I sound like a broken record. I really apologize to anyone reading this. It's my stupid decision and I have to just do it.