Long time no see, but it's not a good reason for me.

Hey. So, I realized that Lambda has officially infiltrated every part of my life except this, which is great for what I'm about to talk about. You see, there's always one person that ruins things for me. And that's what this post is about.

So there's this brother who just won't leave me alone. Any time I would say something, like give a comment or an opinion, he attacks me, essentially making me feel like I'm worthless. You see, dear readers, I'm here to talk to you today about...

CONDESCENDING ONE-UPPERS

Now, the COU is a rare breed of human. Take the following scenario for example.

(People over in the corner talking about things I feel uncomfortable with i.e. sex in general)
Me: Hey, guys, can you stop that? I'm trying to watch this t.v. show.
COU: Wow, Erick, that's a little homophobic of you.
Me: What?
COU: You should be more tolerant.
Me: Um, no I'm okay with you guys being gay, I just don't like when people talk about sex around me.
COU: Well, you can always leave.

The COU, once he/she has identified the prey, bites down onto the unsuspecting victim, tearing them little by little.

Me: Hey, guys, wanna watch my favorite show on netflix?
Bro (i.e. Mathew, Wes, take your pick): Sure, why not?
COU: Oh, that Anime is really bad. We should watch something better than that. My favorite show has way better plot and is more interesting.
Me: You watched it and didn't like it?
COU: No, why would I watch it?

The key to successfully identifying a COU is difficult unless you are the prey. One way, as the prey is to notify another nearby ally.

Me: Hey, guys. Is it just me, or is _____ really kind of a douche to me?
Bro: I don't really see it. I think he's just joking.
Me: Alright, just watch when he's around me okay?
Bro: No problem.
(few days later)
Bro: Holy crap he's a prick.

Once identified, there are several steps one can take in detaching the COU, unfortunately there is no solution that works other than pure silence.

COU: Hey, Erick how do you feel about _____?
Me: Meh. (insert headphones and write a blog)